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Dr. Amy Gordon Presents at Loudoun County Public Schools

Dr Amy Gordon, a clinical and neuropsychologist of the Ashburn Psychological Team, presented at the Loudoun Education Alliance of Parents (LEAP) on October 14th. The panel of local experts discussed the impact of technology on our student children and teens. Dr. Gordon spoke in place of Dr. Michael Oberschneider of the team, as Dr. Oberschneider has been kept quite busy with his newborn. Below is the link to LEAP and the excerpt for the evening.

The panelists for this evening will be:

• LCPS Director of High School Education David Spage, who will speak about LCPS policies regarding the use of personal technology devices in the school.
• Deputy James Spurlock of the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office, who will present the cell phone portion of his department’s Internet Safety Workshop.
• Michael Oberschneider, founder and director of Ashburn Psychological Services. Dr. Oberschneider will address the psychological impact of technology on children.
  

The Loudoun Education Alliance of Parents (LEAP) is a non-partisan network that promotes interaction between parents, teachers, School Board members and members of Loudoun County Public Schools administrative team.

Each two-hour program features a panel discussion on topics of interest to parents and members of the community at-large and an update from LCPS Superintendent Edgar B. Hatrick III. Each LCPS school elects a delegate from its PTA or PTO to attend LEAP meetings. However, members of the public are always welcome to attend.

Review of the evening’s panel discussion…

LEAP Learns About the Dangers of Texting

Boundaries…

That’s what the three speakers at the October 14th meeting of the Loudoun Education Alliance of Parents (LEAP) told parents they need to put in place when they allow their child to have a cell phone.

Why?

Recent studies state that 22 percent of teenage girls and 18 percent of their male counterparts have sent nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves using a cell phone.

37 percent of girls and 40 percent of boys have sent a sexually explicit text message.

The average teen sends or receives 2,500 text messages a month.

35 percent of students say they have used a cell phone to cheat in school.

Teens are 23 times more likely to have a traffic accident while they are texting.

Overuse of electronic devices can lead to a condition called “infomania” or “digital autism.” This is a condition where someone is so involved or overwhelmed by a constant stream of texting or communicating that they lag in personal development and the development of interpersonal social skills.

Some teens become so involved with their cell phones that they actually go through withdrawal symptoms similar to alcoholism when they’re taken away. “If you have separation anxiety in your household that needs to be addressed,” said Deputy James Spurlock of the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office.

Spurlock told the LEAP delegates about some things they didn’t know about their child’s cell phone.

Pictures taken with a cell phone are cached in a database by the cell phone’s service provider. Spurlock said anyone with the phone’s access code, which can easily be obtained, can access this cache of photos, even though the cell phone user has deleted them from the phone itself.

Spurlock said such photos are retrieved and pedaled to pornographic sites; many of them overseas where trafficking such pictures is less legally risky. He said a nude photo recently taken in Fairfax turned up on a pornographic site in Spain.

Geotagging is another feature most parents don’t know about. Each photo taken with a cell phone records the time and location that the photo was taken. Using this information, Spurlock said a stalker can determine that a picture was taken at a specific address and easily locate that address.

Web sites where ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends can post embarrassing pictures of former loves are commonplace, Spurlock added. Such sites are often monitored by third parties looking for pornographic images to post elsewhere.

All of this is done, Spurlock said, without the knowledge or consent of the person who took, or was the subject, of the original picture.

Spurlock also referenced the “Superman Complex.” This is texting a bold or offensive message to someone that you would never say to their face. Distance makes people grow much bolder.

Domestic abuse is another area in which misuse of cell phones has become common. Someone can text a spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend constantly about where they are, what they are doing, what they are wearing, or who they are with. “It’s a mechanism to control them at a distance,” Spurlock said.

Girls aren’t the only targets of such behavior. “Don’t think it’s just your daughters at risk,” Spurlock warned.

Legal agencies usually get involved in inappropriate use of cell phones only after something tragic has happened, Spurlock said. Generally speaking, laws governing such inappropriate uses are three to five years behind their initial occurrence.

Spurlock warned that parents will be behind the technological curve of their children, who were raised with, and therefore more comfortable with, emerging technologies. “Unless your profession is on the cutting edge, you are a few steps behind.”

Dr. Amy Gordon of Ashburn Psychological Services said she is seeing cases of sleep deprivation caused by texting. Teens will sleep with a cell phone near them on the bed and feel compelled to respond to text messages at all hours of the night.

Not receiving texts messages can cause just as much anxiety as receiving too many, Gordon added. “If they don’t receive texts they feel they are out of the loop.” She said the teen begins wondering if they are now the one everybody is texting about behind their back.

Another trend Gordon has seen is children e-mailing a parent up to 15 times a day in reference to simple decisions, such as which color shoes to buy. This can lead to a lack of personal growth and an inability to make decisions, she said.

Gordon also sees a lot of children who divorce themselves from family activities, such as vacations, so that they can text. “Texting has removed the child from their current environment.”

Loudoun County Public Schools (LCPS) Director of High School Education David Spage went over School Board Policy §8-34, which regulates the use of cell phones in school and mirrors the Code of Virginia. Cell phones can be present in school, but can’t be used during the school day without permission. During his five years as principal of Potomac Falls High School, Spage said he had many battles over the use of cell phones in school. “It’s going to be a battle. It’s going to be a battle on their turf.”

Spage said students will often say they are “checking the time” when caught with an active cell phone in their hand. (This is a particularly popular excuse after the change from standard time to daylight savings time when school clocks can be wrong.) His response: “Is that your final answer? We can easily check.”

Spage said he told students he really didn’t want to be the cell phone police. “I want your phone as much as you want me to have it.”

There are times when administrators know enforcing the no-cell-phone-use-in-school rule is futile, Spage admitted. Such was the case during a recent fire drill at a high school. As soon as the students were ushered into the football stadium “it was like a cell phone convention.”

Besides outlining the problems associated with cell phone use, the panel offered some ways to ease or eliminate these problems:

· Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Don’t be attached 24-7 to your Blackberry. Don’t send the message to your child that a text message or e-mail is more important than they are.

· Set aside times, such as meals, when texting isn’t allowed.

· Make your child leave their cell phone in a common area, such as the kitchen, when they go to bed.

· Insist your child hand over their cell phone for periodic inspections. If they’re not engaging in inappropriate activity, this should not be a problem. “We’re the parents. Our job is to keep our children safe until they know better than we,” Spurlock said. There are ways to get around such inspections, however. A teen can tap into a wireless network – such as the ones available in many restaurants – and send messages that won’t leave a record on their phone.

· Know the capabilities of a cell phone before you hand it to your child.

· Talk with your cell phone provider about filtering out certain features.

· Check Web sites that list abbreviations and terms used by teens online so that you can decipher their messages. Spurlock said he has a dictionary of such terms that is now more than 300 pages. “You’ll never know it all.”

The next LEAP meeting will be at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, November 11th, in the School Board Meeting Room of the School Administrative Offices in Ashburn. The topic for the evening will be “Moving the Mountain – How to Motivate Your Child.”

LEAP meetings are free and open to the general public.

 

 

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Screen Time for our Children, our Teens…and Ourselves

Renee  Sklarew
Freelance Writer
Northern Virginia Magazine
www.northernvirginamag.com
DC Parenting Teens Examiner
www.examiner.com/x-4267-DC-Parenting-Teenagers-Examiner
301-706-2154
reneesklarew@msn.com

My husband and I are always worrying about the amount of time our kids spend on the internet or watching TV. During a recent interview with Dr. Michael Oberschneider, our region’s leading authority on screen time issues, I heard some practical advice I want to share.

Dr. Oberschneider of Ashburn Psychological Services says “How can you expect your teens to be more balanced about screen time, if they see you staring at a screen or Blackberry all day?” He says parents model behavior for their kids! That comment reminded me of a recent basketball practice when I noticed most of the parents focused on their cell phone screens the entire time. Some were texting, some were reading emails, but for the most part, there was little interaction between adults.

Oberschneider says that it’s such an irony for parents to complain about their kid’s lack of attention and tendency to depend on screen time, especially when they can’t turn it off themselves. He describes his observation of a visit to Costco on the weekend and seeing excited families carrying out  huge flat screen televisions, as if they are “coming home from the hunt with a bear!”

Regarding kids with academic problems and signs of nervousness, Oberschneider explains: “I would say there’s a tendency in our society to focus on the labels and diagnosis more than there needs to be. For over half of kids that come in here, the parents say ‘fix my kid, he’s ADHD or OCD.’” In Oberschneider’s practice, he observes that seven out of ten families come to him convinced their child has a diagnosable disorder.

“The kid may have attentional problems, or anxiety, or sensory problems, but it could be secondary to family dynamics. In reality, when we slow things down, and work on the way families engage, it’s not surprising that the anxiety goes away. The impulsivity diminishes,” says Oberschneider.

He recommends to parents that they try to spend more time talking–and the perfect place is at the dinner table. In our region, Oberschneider recognizes the reality of long commutes and long days at work. Then there’s basketball or play practice. Of course, making dinnertime a daily ritual is challenging. But we have to try, Oberschneider believes.

In his practice, he works to help parents become more in sync and more consistent. The result–“often the symptoms dissipate.” He says to consider whether your kid is acting out. “Attention symptoms often indicate that they’re in need–that they want more time together.”

He also recommends we lower pressure and stress on our kids to achieve. Oberschneider tells this story of one of his patients, a prominent and successful father of a three-year-old. The man asked: “Doc, what do I got to do to get my kid into Harvard?” Oberschneider was obviously shocked, and he answered, “Why don’t you let him be three, four and five.” The best thing any parent can do, The psychologist explains, is to expose them to all kinds of things, but let them be a kid.

Oberschneider is a columnist for The Washington Post, he’s won the Top Psychologist award from The Washingtonian.

Watch Dr. Oberschneider speak on stress and the economy on local news channel 8.

Oberschneider’s practice offers a workshop on parenting difficult children. It covers:

• Developmental perspectives on age appropriate behaviors
• Parenting strategies and techniques
• Self care and support

Classes are led by Ashburn Psychological Services psychologists.  Please contact the office manager, Renee Rider, for more information at ashburnpsych@gmail.com.

Read more of my articles on technology and teens here.

Ashburn Psychologist Ashburn Psychiatrist Leesburg Psychiatrist Leesburg Psychologist

How Much Screen Time is too much for our Children and Teens?

Between watching television and videos, Twittering, surfing the Internet, texting and playing computer or video games, it seems that our kids are spending more of their time than ever looking at some sort of screen, which begs the question — How much screen time is too much?  As a psychologist, of course I’ve always been witness to the extreme cases.  However, over the past few years, screen time concerns rank up there for why kids and teens are coming to therapy.  This Summer I worked with several teenager boys who were spending the majority of their free time gaming in isolation with limited, and for some, no peer related social contact.  I also see several teenagers who have great difficulty managing their texting time.  More and more elementary aged children I work with can’t seem to get enough of their handheld gaming devices – DS, Gameboy, PSP, etc.

Research and common sense tell us that as the amount of time spent watching television and playing video games goes up, the amount of time devoted not only to homework and study, but other important aspects of development such as social skills and physical activities decreases.  Moreover, there are studies that indicate it is not only the opportunity cost of lost time that could have been better spent on other activities that we should be concerned with, but that too much television during key developmental years is linked to subsequent problems later in life.  Although most studies have focused on the impact of violence and sex and the influence of commercials, research now suggests that the amount of time children spend in front of the screen is an important predictor of cognitive, behavioral, and physical outcomes in children, including academic performance, bullying, attentional deficits and obesity.  The impact of gaming has been so tremendous on our children and teens in the research that the Fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) will reportedly have “Video Game Addiction” as a formal disorder when it’s published in 2012.

The American Academy of Pediatrics currently holds the position that children two years and younger should watch NO television and should have NO screen time.  Children three years and older should, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, have very limited screen exposure.  The Academy’s position is supported by the research in this area, and this has been their position for parents for years now, yet we as parents do not appear to be listening.  So many parents I work with want to believe in the Baby Einstein series, for example, even when the studies show no benefits in cognitive development for children who watch that show.  In contrast, some of the research on the Baby Einstein series actually reveals a delay in language development for toddlers who watch the show.  So why is Baby Einstein, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Disney, etc., winning out over the scientifically proven position of American Academy of Pediatrics?  I think it comes down to time management and the mere fact that most of us are living very busy lives.  Screens are wonderful distractions for our toddlers, especially at those times when we as parents have only two hands and way too much to manage.  Just remember, while TV as babysitter may seem like a good idea for you and your little one at the time, there may be consequences later.

Psychologist, Kenneth Gergen, a senior research professor at Swarthmore College, coined the terms “digital autism” and “absent yet present” to explain how technology is muting the quality of our social lives and our capacity to engage fully — not just for our kids and teens but also for us as adults.  Gergen points out that you could be physically present at a dinner date but mentally absent as you are texting away on your Blackberry underneath the tablecloth.  I had the most curious “absent yet present” moment the other day with a father and his son, in which the father expressed great frustration in his son’s “X-Box 360 addiction” all the while clicking away on his Blackberry during the session.  And we’ve all viewed in awe the teenager’s “absent yet present” ability to text while doing just about anything within a given moment.

I agree with Gergen that there are fewer and fewer moments to be fully present and that technology is pushing us all as a society toward a faster pace.  Screens are everywhere now – the back of our car, plane and taxi cab seats; they’re in waiting rooms and on our phones.  For our children and teens, the lure of the screen is always there, which is a problem when screen time interferes with what’s really important, as it sometimes can.  So what’s the solution?  In my opinion, It’s really about finding that balance as parents in our screen time use for our children.  Technology, if used in moderation, can and should inform and complement our children’s lives.  Gaming can assist in our children’s hand-eye coordination, fine motor skills, spatial relations, and many games can be educational.  Films and TV shows can be social and can serve as a tool to provide dialogue and greater meaning to an idea or moment as a family.

Here are a few tips to help you and your child/teen kick off the school year:

-         Have a “getting back into a routine talk” with your child and teen.  The talk should be positive and should focus on areas in which you as parents feel a need to reintroduce expectations and structure as our children and teens get back into the school year.

-         There should be no TV in your child or teen’s room.  With an average of 4 TV’s per household these days, your child or teen may already have a television in their room.  If that’s the case, closely monitor their use, as removing the TV will seem like undeserved punishment.  But f your child or teen does not have a TV or gaming system in their bedroom, best to keep it that way.

-         There should be no TV during meals.  An alarming number of families eat their meals in front of the television, restricting the opportunity for family conversation.  Exceptions can be made for special occasions.

-         Pre-plan all television shows and tape programs when academic or other commitments are pressing.  This reinforces the message that we work before we play and good work brings about a well earned reward (good life lessons to learn in childhood).  Also, when your child or teen is watching a preplanned show of their choosing and of your approval, they are not aimlessly flipping through channels, but are using their allotted TV time to watch quality programs.

-         Make screen time social.  Screen time can compliment our time together as a family with a movie night, or with playing a video game together.

-         Keep track of your child and teens screen time and stick to your agreed upon limits.  Additionally, we as parents shouldn’t forget that what we model to our children and teens has a powerful reinforcing impact on their learning and behavior.  As parents, we may want to reassess our own screen time management in leading by example.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Founder and Director

Ashburn Psychological Services

www.ashburnpsych.com

The “Perfect” Coach For Your Boy*

By Maggie Avedisian, Ph.D.

Clinical Child Psychologist

This is the first post in a series of guest contributions on coaching children by Dr. Maggie Avedisian who sees adults, couples, children and adolescents as a psychologist in private practice here at Ashburn Psychological Services. With doctorate and post-doctorate specializations in both clinical and developmental psychology, Dr. Avedisian is also the proud mom of two athletic superstars. She can be reached at (703) 723-2999 or by email.

As each Fall athletic season begins and boys are recruited into (or placed onto) various school and county leagues, my voicemail and e-mail Inbox receive an inevitable bombardment of concerns from pare nts about the “best coach.”

Parents often have the same concern season-upon-season: “My sons’ coach is mean and I don’t think he can succeed with someone mean;” “His self-esteem is being harmed;” and of course, “What should we do?” I rarely hear from the parents who love their sons’ coaches: obviously, they have no complaints.

In an effort to address the question of what makes a “perfect” coach, I turned to parents who love their sons’ coaches, talked with coaches, looked at the recent research on the effects of athletic coaching styles on boys, and sought the advice of a life coach (*I should note that while there are many similarities about coaching boys and girls, the differences illustrated in research literature are strong enough to separate the topics, and focus on only coaching boys in this article.)

The first goal of my journey was to address the complicated question of how to best coach boys in team athletics sports, the second was to identify the responsibilities of parents, and, finally, to get some understanding of what works to motivate young boys.

Boys generally from age five (but as early as 18 month olds) are often placed into organized sports. Some parents have the high hopes that their son is a potential superstar. Some say they just hope for a little exercise. Others say they hope their children can develop meaningful friendships through team activities. Parents, regardless of their reason for placing their son on a team, want the “perfect” coach for their son. What is the “perfect” coach for parents?

Coaches also have various hopes when they take on the commitment of training boys. Some coaches are fathers who want to spend more time with their children. Others want to impart a love for the game. And, still, some want to provide leadership for boys. Most coaches, regardless of their hopes for winning, want to be good coaches (note: not “perfect” coaches). The qualities of a good coach are often listed in psychology and other research literature as patience, leadership, and love of the sport.

A coach is defined as someone who gives instruction, tutors, trains and directs the people who are working with them. In examining the broad picture of coaching in general, I spoke with Jayson Blair, a prominent certified life coach in Loudoun County, Virginia, who works with adolescents and young adults who struggle with motivation, self-esteem, direction, attention, organization, interpersonal relationships, realistic expectations and social skills. He says that, in many ways, these are the same issues that athletic coaches have a chance to help at an earlier stage.

Coaching kids in any arena of life – be it athletics, teaching, or life coaching – is a huge responsibility, and Blair says coaching is a process of teaching skills, helping to develop intuition, self-awareness, building character and modeling the real world in a safe and encouraging environment. Some of the primary techniques that help make good athletic coaches, according to Blair, are to understand and motivate players and to help them grow through a safe process that will be strikingly similar to the not-as-safe world they will face beyond 18. Winning can be important, Blair says, “But it is in making mistakes, losing and losses that we learn the most about ourselves and have the greatest opportunity to grow.”

Coaching a team, Blair says, requires special characteristics.

Blair points out that the being able to provide each individual with both positive and negative feedback can be difficult to manage in a team situation. But the challenge, he says, goes far beyond equity of attention.

“The challenges each child brings to the setting can be a good basis from which to find ways to motivate them individually and teach them how to work together,” he says, “but coaches must also work to understand each player and attempt to tailor approaches individually while taking into consideration the broader needs of the group, and how each individual approach impacts the larger ecosystem that includes the players, other coaches and parents. In this, they are teaching young people how to be responsible in a broader world beyond just themselves.”

Blair sees the most valuable qualities in coaches, when excluding the role that the understanding of the sport itself, are strong powers of observation, intuition strong enough to make smart decisions and intelligence and strength that allow them to solve complex interpersonal equations. Blair says coaches need to understand and modify their coaching styles to individual players, while managing the collective impact on the team’s ecosystem, in order to develop skills and character both on and off the field.

Parents reasons for placing their children in competitive athletics is often based on their understanding that team sports is important developmentally for socialization, leadership, understanding how to take direction and discipline to enhance character. Coach Bowman, a well respected coach for Loudon County, Virginia football team, includes in that array, a child’s desire to be on the field. He emphasizes that a children’s desire to be there is a big part of the mix of things going right on all levels. Thus, as the old adage goes, “you can lead a horse to water…”

With all the best intentions for their children, parents often forget (or neglect) their children’s desires. There is no doubt that there are many “wannabe” fathers who hope their sons “make it” because they did not.

This is not a myth. Mothers come to me frequently stating their sons (regardless of ability level) have no real desire to play the game, but do so because their fathers push them. Ask your child and talk about their desire to participate. Know what your child desires. Ask your sons coach what they think. By encouraging this dialogue you will find that some should not be on the field. Most parents know these truths about their own complicated motivates, and often use the excuse that the coach is not doing what is needed to keep their son motivated.

Maybe the weakest link is not coaching style, maybe the weakest link is the child’s desire to be in competitive sports and the refusal of some parents to see this apathy in the name of their vicarious redaction of their own youth. It seems, in this area, that above all else, coaches need understand the desires of parents, but not cave them, and, instead to learn to place oneself in the shoes and eyes of their players and act in their best interests.

“A parent could come to a soccer coach and say that they want their child to be a forward just like a parent might walk into my office and say that their child might need to work on managing their finances,” Blair says.
“In reality, as a coach, I need to listen to the parent, but I also need to get their child working on what’s the best opportunity for them grow, whether its playing as the goalie or learning organization and empathy first, before finances and academics.”

Parents can akin coaches to teachers. There is no perfect teacher or perfect coach. One child adores the teacher and the other finds them intolerable. The same happens on the field. I find that often in both situations children adapt better than their parents do. I also find parents fueling fires that do not exist for children. Needless to say, but I will…do not talk badly about teachers or coaches to your children. It is very disconcerting to a child to have their parents belittle the authority of a coach or teacher, and then be expected to perform for that person.

The juxtaposition is cognitively and emotionally disabling for children, and often gives the children a real world example of hypocrisy from their own homes, as parents talk down coaches behind their backs and openly praise them and encourage their children to listen in front of the coaches faces With that said, this article was not intended to address the extreme end of abusive coaching, which is best dealt with swiftly and decisively by removing your child from the situation.

Results of a recent study by Coatsworth and Conroy (Developmental Psychology. Vol 45(2), Mar 2009, 320-328), showed that competence and self-esteem reflected perceived competence provided by coaches. In other words, when coaches provide praise, children seem to perceive themselves as more confident and capable of performing.

In this study, children did seem to think they could do better when coaches gave them praise. However, this does not suggest that children will do better, it suggests they “think” they will do better, which, in and of itself, is an important part of the battle. Does thinking positive lead to actions? The answer seems to be, sometimes. Positive self-image and belief in one’s ability can be the beginning of changing actions and behaviors. “I think I can”, “never give up”, “try and try again” are examples of how we hope to train children to stay motivated. In competitive athletics, the lines are blurred and the studies are nearly non-existent.

Should coaches provide false praise for children who are trying, but not really doing well athletically? As a developmental psychologist, I have absolutely no doubt that praise can provide a basis for developing positive self-esteem. The line of what’s too much or too little in this regard can be drawn, in many respects, when looking children at different ages and stages of development and athletic competition. Feedback is crucial to personal growth on the field. While clinically I know that the presentation of feedback is important, studies in on this topic are lacking. We know that negative feedback, when handled wrong, can be devastating.

So, should coaches not lie to children, but give only positive feedback? Joe Russo, a longtime coach of boys Lacrosse in Vienna Virginia (and highly respected by the parents on his teams) stated it like this “I try to establish a high level of player accountability early each season. This sometimes requires being strict and demanding.

Finding the proper balance of discipline and fun can be challenging. He goes on to say that “insincere pep talks” are not how he prefers to challenge his teams. A good coach, he stated, is willing to help a player by pointing out and teaching how to improve his game.

Since I believe that lying to children at any age is wrong, the question for coaches might very well be how to impart corrective messages or negative feedback in a way that helps the child learn, does not obscure the truth and teaches them that necessary losses and mistakes are the way that we learn and we grow. In other words, the goal, it seems, from a clinical perspective, is not too much unlike being a psychologist: helping people build their self-esteem so they honestly accept their strengths and weaknesses, and know that it is the strong child that can look at something that they are not doing well and tackle it with enthusiasm.

It should be noted, however, that if a child thinks that they can do better and doesn’t, it provides coaches what Blair likes to call a “teachable moment” where young people “can learn that their effort and improvements are important no matter the end result, that friends do not abandon each other when things get rough, that someone has to lose and how to do so with the same grace and understanding of the victory.” Most importantly, he says, “you won’t believe how many clients I have who come to see me as young adults and say that from their childhood on they have never felt someone truly believed in them.”

Parents who love their sons’ coaches tell me that the greatest quality they found in a coach was the ability to connect with their sons in order to help the youngsters improve skills. That connection is not readily quantifiable, although there is no question that the connection they speak of is not limited to athletics. It ranges from a high five, or a simple “good job”, “to try it this way.” They appreciate direction, attention and pushing their sons to the limit.

Yelling does not seem to bother most parents, and most parents who love their sons coaches are not too phased by some uncomplimentary names their sons may be given by coaches or teammates (my favorites are “Sleepy” and” Dopey”). While many parents use the line “I just want my sons to have fun,” they also do not like it when their team loses. That apparently is not fun, at least not for parents. The whole coaching package is quite a feat: providing individual attention, making the game fun, and developing a winning team.

I end this brief blog with Coach Russo’s quote that parents ability to align with the coaches philosophy is an important aspect of his ability to coach. “I consider it a great responsibility and privilege to coach young people and I see it as my duty to ensure that they play the game as it was meant to be played,” he states. “Parents and players who are aligned with this philosophy make coaching much easier.”

Note: This is a first in a series of posts on coaching children in athletics. Part II involves interviews with children and looking at their perspective on what makes a good coach. I would also like to thank Coach Bowman and Coach Russo for their time and thoughtful consideration of responses. Both coaches give of their time and energy without having sons on their teams. They do so for the love of children, and the game.

Ashburn Psychologist Leesburg Psychologist Ashburn Psychiatrist Leesburg Psychiatrist

Thinking about Stress

Life can be stressful.   While the media bombards us with talk of war, recession, and layoffs, we are busy working, raising our children, and caring for elderly parents.   The content of our minds reflects the way that we live, with thoughts rattling around all day and sometimes well into the night.  We review, plan, worry, and obsess, and can end up feeling stressed and out of control.

So, what can you do to manage your level of stress?  The common wisdom is that you should change how you think:  stop worrying and replace the negative thoughts with positive or more rational thoughts.   Think better and you will feel better.   Right?

This may work for some people, at least in the short-term.  But for most of us, this not a realistic long-term strategy.  Trying to change the content of your thoughts can be a very frustrating experience.  You push a thought away only to have it come back, sometimes stronger.   The realization that your thinking is “out of control” or at least beyond your control, can result in feelings of helplessness.   Why can’t I change this?  What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I control my thinking?

If controlling your thoughts doesn’t work, what can you do?  The solution is to give up the fight, to let go of your efforts to control your thoughts.    Even though you may not be able to change the content of your thoughts, you can change your relationship with your thoughts, the meaning that they hold for you.

Rather than viewing all of your thoughts as being true, valid, and important indicators of who you are and what your world means, try thinking of them as nothing more than habitual patterns that reverberate in your mind.   They are, for the most part, outside of your control.  They just sort of “bubble” up out of nowhere, products of your past history, your experiences, the media, and the world around you.  You can’t control them and you don’t need to control them.  You can accept them for what they are.

Practice taking the perspective that you are separate from the contents of your mind.  A useful metaphor is to think of your thoughts as being like cloud formations in the sky.  You can see how they form and change, but you know that you cannot control them, and you have no reason to try.  They simply are what they are.   Even though your thoughts may not be pleasant, as long as you view them as “just thoughts” and don’t imbue them with any special significance, their power to affect your mood and behavior is greatly reduced.

If you can cultivate this perspective and begin to let go of your need to control your thoughts, you can devote more energy to living the life that you want to live, and you may find that some of the stress and worry in your life will begin to fade away.

Dr. Albert Jerome is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety, depression, and stress disorders.   To speak with Dr. Jerome or to schedule a consultation, he can be reached at Ashburn Psychological Services at (703) 723-2999.  Below please find Dr. Jerome’s bio.

Albert Jerome, Ph.D.

Dr. Jerome is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist.  He received his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Ohio University after completing internship training in the Department of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry at the West Virginia University School of Medicine.  Further post-doctoral training was completed at NeuroScience, Inc. in Herndon, VA.

Dr. Jerome’s clinical practice focuses on anxiety disorders, health psychology, and problem behaviors among children and teens.  He specializes in treating panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social phobia, specific fears, (such as fear of flying), and childhood anxiety disorders.  His work in Health Psychology includes treatment of headache and chronic pain, health anxiety, and tobacco and drug use.  A wide range of problem behaviors among children and teens are addressed through a combination of individual therapy, behavioral reward systems, and parent training.

Dr. Jerome employs the latest in evidence-based therapeutic interventions, blending  Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with mindfulness training, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and solution-focused therapy.  A tailored, individualized treatment approach is developed through an active collaboration with each client or family who seeks his services.

Dr. Jerome has been the recipient of more than 20 research grants from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and the National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) for the design, development, and evaluation of self-help and minimal contact behavior change programs, and he is a recognized expert in the area of gradual reduction techniques for tobacco cessation.

A year of recognition for Ashburn Psychological Services

Ashburn Psychological Services has been honored this year with Dr. Michael Oberschneider, the founder and director of the practice, and Dr. Sabah Hadi, being recognized by their peers in the Washingtonian’s (July 2009) “Top psychologist” and “Top Psychiatrist” categories, respectively.  Dr. Oberschneider, who also wrote a piece in The Washington Post earlier this year on the impact of the economic crisis on mental health, was featured on News Channel 8’s “Let’s Talk Live” and has since contributed to an article for the Washingtonian Magazine with professionals across disciplines on preparing students and parents for returning to school.

Last week, APS’s life coach, Jayson Blair, was honored by the Associated Press, The Washington Post, The Independent of London, WNYC Radio and NPR for this work providing peer-support to those with serious mental illnesses and his life coaching at the practice.

Ashburn Psychologist Ashburn Psychiatrist Leesburg Psychologist Leesburg Psychiatrist

August 2009 Washingtonian Magazine Interview with Dr. Oberschneider, Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological Services

Back-to-School Tips From the Pros

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By Abby Holekamp , MJ Lee

We tracked down teachers, tutors, dieticians, and more to find out their advice for starting off the school year on the right foot. Read on for tips on everything from study skills to healthy-eating habits to college admissions.

Back to School Guide→ Tips From the Pros
→ Greening Your Back-to-School Shopping List
→ What to Do After School
→ Back to School 2.0: Gadgets for Students
→ Great First Day Clothes for Girls
→ Great First Day Clothes for Boys
→ Spicing Up Brown Bag Lunches
→ Getting In To Top Colleges

Amy Norback
First-grade teacher at Truesdell Education Center

Develop a homework routine.
Norback notes that children tend to respond well to routines. “It’s beneficial to establish a homework routine early on in the school year,” she says. “For example, give them a break and snack after school and have homework time until dinner. Don’t wait until the end of the night to start. Make sure that they have a quiet space with all of the supplies they need so they can focus.”

Busy parents can still be involved.
“Even if your schedule doesn’t allow you to supervise your child while they’re doing homework, have a system in place so that you can still go over their work,” Norback says. For example, she suggests having your child leave his or her homework out before bedtime, so even if you get home late, you can still look it over. Also, if your work schedule doesn’t allow you to volunteer actively at school as a chaperone, see if there are other ways for you to contribute—this can be as simple as sending in school supplies that the teacher might need.

Communicate with the teacher.
At the beginning of the school year, find out which form of communication works best, Norback says: “Know the most convenient way to reach the teacher, whether it’s by e-mail or phone, and be in contact about any concerns you have.”

Keep your child involved.
Norback says that participating in extracurricular activities will make your child feel like he or she is a part of the school community. “But depending on their age, be careful not to overwhelm them with too many things at once,” she says. “Try to get your child involved in a mix of physical and mental activities.”

• • • • • • •

Dr. Michael Oberschneider
Founder and director of Ashburn Psychological Services

Prepare your child for the return to a structured schedule.
The end of summer means a transition to a more regimented routine, says Oberschneider: “Going back to school brings back demands and expectations that were absent during the summer, which can be overwhelming for some kids.” He recommends explaining your expectations to your kids ahead of time to help them ease back into a regular schedule.

Reward your child for good work.
Oberschneider notes that rewards can be a great motivator. “If your child does everything that’s expected of them, give them a reward,” he says. “Instead of focusing on the negative, bring the focus to what they’re doing well.”

Boost your child’s self-esteem.
Children between the ages of 10 and 13 are going through many changes. “This is not only a time when a kid’s body changes, but also when he or she is developing a sense of self,” Oberschneider says. He suggests encouraging your child to be involved in social activities such as organized team sports and after-school activities, which he says can prevent children from retreating into themselves.

Divorce or separation requires that parents be extra-sensitive.
Children and teens whose parents are going through divorce or separation need to feel supported by both parents as much as possible. “I often tell parents to try put their own grievances aside for a while and focus on supporting their child,” Oberschneider says. If a child is having severe adjustment problems, it’s best that he or she speak to a counselor.

Cheryl Gedzelman
Former tutor and president of Tutoring for Success

Don’t wait until problems arise—be proactive.
Even before school starts, Gedzelman recommends that parents make sure kids are reading for pleasure and brushing up on math by practicing problems from the previous school year. “If your child has any organizational issues, make sure you get systems in place right at the beginning of the school year,” she says. “Make sure your student has a calendar for long-term assignments.” Gedzelman suggests breaking big assignments down into smaller steps and writing down a step or two to work on each day. She also advises writing down each test in the calendar far in advance so a student can note which days he or she has time to study.

Students can be their own best advocate.
“If kids have special needs, don’t wait until the November conference to talk about them,” Gedzelman says. “Let teachers know about it by the second week of school.” And while Gedzelman emphasizes that parents shouldn’t hesitate to contact their child’s teacher if there are academic issues, she adds that it’s also an excellent skill for students themselves to learn. “Encourage your kids to talk to teachers if they have any issues,” she says.

• • • • • • •

Judy Caplan
Author of a children’s book called Gobey Gets Full: Good Nutrition in a Nutshell and a registered dietician for 30 years

The beginning of a new school year is a good starting point to make healthy changes.
Caplan recommends starting with one small change, rather than trying to change a child’s whole diet at once. “For instance, you might want to first focus on including more whole grains,” she says. “Then you could focus on quality protein, making sure it’s lean and not processed.” Making dietary changes one step at a time makes them easier on the whole family.

The cafeteria doesn’t have to be an unhealthy place.
Caplan says to forget about “kid-friendly” foods such as pizza and burgers and to get kids to start thinking critically. “Ask yourself, ‘Is this whole grain? Are they healthy oils? What kind of vegetables do they have?’ ” Caplan says. “If you’re getting pizza, look for veggie pizza. If kids have something in their head about what’s good and right to eat, it’ll help them make better choices.”

Plan ahead.
Sometimes a busy family has to grab dinner on the run. Caplan says it’s a good idea to find a few good places nearby that you know have healthy options if you’re going to have to get fast food. Look for the same things—whole grains, lean proteins—that you’d emphasize in home-cooked meals. For example, Caplan notes that Subway has whole-grain bread and Pizza Hut has whole-grain crust.

Sheri Mural
College-admissions consultant at AdmissionsConsultants

It’s not too early to start thinking about college—within reason.
Even for kids who aren’t getting ready to apply for college, some introspection can be valuable. “For students who aren’t on the brink of filling out applications, I tell them the college search process begins with them thinking about themselves,” Mural says. “Explore new areas. Join a club, play on a sports team, take on an internship. Expose yourself to new ideas and experiences. Then think about how you learn best. Think about what environment is best for you. And think about what you don’t like—it’s just as valuable.”

If your child is getting ready to apply to colleges, encourage him or her not to procrastinate.
Ideally, senior year should be about senior year, Mural says. “In a way, I think the college process has taken away from students’ high-school experiences,” Mural says. “The better prepared you are, the more you can do to make sure applications aren’t the focal point of the year.”

Students should identify a support team to provide perspective and assistance.
Mural says students of all ages benefit from knowing who to go to when they’re dealing with school-related stress, whether it be a parent, a teacher, or someone else.

• • • • • • •

Tara O’Neal and Jan Havlik
O’Neal is director of residential life and Havlik is the dean of students at Garrison Forest School, an all-girls day and boarding school.

Encourage your child to experiment.
High school is a time for self-discovery. O’Neal and Havlik advise parents to allow kids to be who they are and encourage them to try new things. It’s okay for kids to fail, they say, as failures can serve as good teaching moments.

Be prepared to deal with homesickness.
According to O’Neal and Havlik, parents should be prepared for their child to feel homesick at boarding school, especially in the beginning. They suggest that parents remind their child of the reasons they’re attending boarding school and communicate their worries with dorm parents and faculty members. One child might need their parents to visit more often, they say, whereas another might simply need time to adjust to their new environment.

Ashburn Psychologist Leesburg Psychologist Ashburn Psychiatrist Leesburg Psychiatrist

Washingtonian Magazine “Top Psychologist” and “Top Psychiatrist” Nods for Ashburn Psychological Services

Congratulations to Dr. Michael Oberschneider and Dr. Sabah Hadi for being recognized by the Washingtonian Magazine as “Top Psychologist” and “Top Psychiatrist,” respectively, in the greater DC area.  The Washingtonian surveyed 1500 psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers in the DC area to recommend one or two specialists, in a variety of areas, to whom they would send a family member for care.  Dr. Oberschneider received the nod for his work with children and teens, and Dr. Hadi received the nod for his work with the chronically mentally ill.  Dr. Oberschneider is the only clinical psychologist and Dr. Hadi is the only psychiatrist in Loudoun County to receive the Top Psychologist and a Top Psychiatrist recognitions from The Washingtonian Magazine.

Ashburn Psychologist Ashburn Psychiatrist

Ashburn Psychological Services is very pleased to announce its newest team members, psychiatrists, Dr. Joseph Novello and Dr. Imran Akram.  Dr. Novello is renowned locally and nationally for his work in the field of psychiatry over the past 30 years.  He works with children, adolescents, families and adults.  Dr. Akram is a UVA trained psychiatirst with advanced training in adult, substance abuse and geriatric psychiatry.  Please call our office manager, Laura Cusumano, at (703) 723-2999 to schedule a consultation with Dr. Novello or Dr. Akram. Dr. Novello and Dr. Akram’s bios are presented below for your review.

Joseph R. Novello, M.D.

Dr. Novello practices adult and child/adolescent psychiatry and is also a qualified expert in forensic psychiatry and has participated in a wide range of civil and criminal cases.  Dr. Novello also practices and is a leading expert in the field of hypnosis.  He received his M.D. from the University of Michigan and his B.A. from University of Notre Dame.  He has served as the director of child and adolescent services at The Psychiatric Institute of Washington and was founder of the Gateway, a residential treatment program for alcohol and drug abuse.

Dr. Novello has authored two textbooks on psychiatry and has contributed several scientific papers to the medical literature. In addition, he has written three popular books for parents. His featured column, “You and Your Child,” appeared each week in Woman’s World magazine for many years. Dr. Novello’s most recent book, The Myth of More, is about finding happiness in life by overcoming character flaws called “lifetraps” and discovering spiritual values.

Dr. Novello has received numerous awards, including election to the American College of Psychiatrists and Fellowship in the American Psychiatric Association. He has also received a Best Doctors in America Award and the Medallion of the US Surgeon General. Georgetown University, where he is a member of the clinical faculty, has honored him with its Vicennial Award.

Dr. Novello has been a consultant to the National Naval Medical Center and the Inter-American Development Bank and has served as health issues advisor to US Senator John Warner of Virginia.

Dr. Novello is well-known to the general public through his media activities. In Washington, he has hosted his own daily radio call-in program on WMAL and his regular feature, “The Family Doctor,” has appeared on WJLA-TV News.  Dr. Novello has also been active in the media on the national level. His syndicated radio program “Healthtime” has been heard daily in over 300 cities and he has often appeared on network and cable TV news programs and talk shows as well as programs such as Nightline, Good Morning America and The Today Show.

Imran Akram, M.D.

Dr. Akram is a trained Adult and Geriatric Psychiatrist. Furthermore, he specializes in electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) which is still recognized as the most effective treatment for acute and chronic treatment refractory psychiatric disorders. He is also qualified to treat the opioid dependent population via Suboxone (Buprenorphine) Treatment. His work at Prince William Hospital and Ashburn Psychological Services is a nice blend of inpatient and outpatient psychiatry. This helps him to be proficient in dealing with acute crisis intervention on the inpatient and chronic or maintenance treatment on the outpatient basis.

Dr. Akram completed his Psychiatric residency and Geriatric Psychiatry fellowship at University of Virginia Health System. He did his ECT fellowship at Emory University. After finishing his fellowship, he served at a highly reputed hospital in the suburbs of Chicago, Alexian Brothers Health system. The high versatility of Alexian Brothers in treating addiction, adult, geriatric, eating disorders and ECT helped Dr. Akram further his clinical acumen in the above mentioned fields. He plans to provide comprehensive care for his patients at our office through collaboration with colleagues in the field of Medicine, Psychiatry and Psychology. Dr. Akram is a member of American Psychiatric Association and Psychiatric Society of Virginia.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Director

Ashburn Psychological Services

Leesburg Psychologist Ashburn Psychologist

Published in the Loudoun Times-Mirror on May 20, 2009

Boundaries: Coping with change

By Elizabeth Coe

Five days a week for the past five years, Adam Weber has ridden the bus to Mill Run Elementary School two miles away in Ashburn.

There, the fourth-grader has gotten to know his teachers, administrators and fellow students. His mom, Jeanne Weber, has been an active member of the Parent Teacher Organization, and the family members have each dedicated themselves to the school.

But next year, for his last year in elementary school, Adam will be attending Creighton’s Corner Elementary with new teachers, administrators and students, almost six miles from his home in The Regency neighborhood of Ashburn.

Adam is one of hundreds of elementary school children across Loudoun who will switch schools next year because of boundary changes implemented by the School Board this spring.

For the most part, parents say they are frustrated that their children are being forced to make these changes.

“He’s not happy at all,” Weber said of her son. “Our concern is that [Creighton's Corner] is not in our neighborhood. We don’t shop around there, we don’t go to restaurants around there.”

Adam’s siblings, second-grader Audrey and kindergartner Dylan, will also be moving to Creighton’s Corner, along with about 140 other students from The Regency and surrounding area.

Some students from Legacy Elementary School in Brambleton will also be moved there because of overcrowding.

School Board Chairman Robert Dupree Jr. said that while the boundary changes are not ideal, they were necessary this year.

“We are in a position that we must take advantage of the seats we have, because we don’t know when we might get additional schools constructed,” he said. “We had to move some residents we’d really hoped not to move, but we had no alternative.”

Ashburn

Boundary changes in Ashburn were made because an elementary school planned to open in 2010-2011 in the Moorefield Station development has been pushed back to the 2012-2013 school year.

Considering the available space at Creighton’s Corner, which is one year old and under capacity, the school system chose to bring in children from Legacy and Mill Run to balance enrollment levels next year.

Regency resident Nichole Towers, who has two children affected by the redistricting, said she is concerned.

Towers’ fourth-grade son, who did not want his name printed in the paper, does not want to leave his school.

“It’s kind of difficult because you have to leave some of your old friends and make new ones,” he said. “It’ll be hard knowing and loving my teachers from kindergarten to fourth grade, and then leaving.”

Parents are also worried about the additional time on the bus – 20 to 30 minutes each way — attending Creighton’s Corner will add to their young children’s lives.

For Chris Mack, whose second-grade daughter has a life-threatening tree nut allergy, that added time without much supervision is a cause for concern.

“When you have kids that are unsupervised on the bus for 30 minutes, you have kids like my daughter who are exposed to higher risks,” she said. “A lot of issues get raised.”

Mack doesn’t understand why students are being moved to Creighton’s Corner, the ninth-closest elementary school to her home. Other schools, such as Hillside, Rosa Lee Carter and Cedar Lane elementaries, are closer and would be more convenient, she said, but these schools were not included in the boundary adjustments.

Brambleton

Parents of some students at Legacy Elementary near Brambleton are also preparing for change – again.

Students who live within the Brambleton community in Ashburn were able to stay at their neighborhood school, Legacy. But some students from the surrounding area, who had been attending Legacy, were moved.

Julie Jennings, of Vantage Point, said her fourth-grader, William, was switched from Mill Run Elementary to Legacy four years ago when he was entering first grade. Now the family is being moved again.

“I think three schools for anybody shouldn’t happen if it can be avoided,” she said. “The impact on the kids should come first.”

Psychologist Michael Oberschneider, director of Ashburn Psychological Services, said he has treated children for increased anxiety and stress from school adjustments.

“Elementary school-aged kids do best when their lives and schedules are predictable and consistent,” he said. “They rely on their lives being that way, and that’s when they learn best and function best. While many kids can adjust just fine in response to an abrupt transition, some kids simply cannot.”

Western Loudoun

Elementary schools in western Loudoun have had their boundaries redrawn largely because of the new Kenneth W. Culbert Elementary School in Purcellville, which opens in the fall.

The school has a capacity of 829, and about 550 students will attend the school in its first year.

While some elementary school boundaries were modified to establish an attendance boundary for Culbert, the school will directly draw from the current attendance areas of Hamilton, Lincoln and Mountain View elementary schools.

Some parents who have children at those schools and others who have been affected say they were unfairly impacted by the opening of this large new school.

Mike Keane, whose children attend Hillsboro Elementary, does not understand why they are being forced to move to Mountain View Elementary School to make up for students lost to Culbert.

“This is a small community,” he said. “It’s a school that has one class for each grade. These grades make up athletic teams, neighborhoods. They make up the identity of our community.”

Now that community is broken, he said.

Emily Allred, of Hillsboro, said she and other parents will apply for a special exception so that her children can remain at Hillsboro.

She said she is most frustrated by the fact that the School Board decided to move children from Hillsboro when there was no overcrowding and no pressing need or crisis at hand.

School Board member Priscilla Godfrey (Blue Ridge), who represents the area, has expressed the view that with new development coming to the area and new homes being occupied in the next three years, there was a need to relocate students from Hillsboro.

Leesburg

In Leesburg, some parents are feeling a different kind of frustration.

The School Board made the decision not to redistrict the elementary schools in the Leesburg area this year, but several parents say this is a mistake.

Those parents were calling on the School Board to change elementary school lines, saying an unfair distribution of economically disadvantaged and English as a Second Language students is a source of imbalance in the schools.

“I think the disparity that exists between schools does need to be addressed in some fashion,” said parent Dave Uehlinger, whose children attend Catoctin Elementary School. “How can Catoctin get distributed 35 percent disadvantaged families, while two miles away another elementary school gets 4 percent?”

Uehlinger and others say this disparity leaves some schools, like Catoctin, in financial trouble and with the inability to recruit volunteers and PTO participants, while others can easily raise money and are having to turn away volunteers.

“I want diversity for our children, but there’s no reason why our school should struggle so much while all these other schools are fine,” said Catoctin parent Jill Drupa.

The School Board did discuss shifting some students in the Leesburg area, but decided against it.

School Board member John Stevens (Potomac) said he felt the board made the right move by leaving the boundaries in place for now.

“Moving children between schools should be the option of last resort,” he said. “To move kids, we should demonstrate that there are problems, that a boundary change will solve those problems, and that nothing short of a boundary change will solve those problems.”

Contact the reporter at ecoe@timespapers.com

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